Londonist doesn't care about London Fashion Week. Not really. But we're a blog about London and it's pretty big so we thought we'd write something about it.

Here's some of the things that might happen over the next week:

• Mobile phone shops will see a rise in profits as Supermodels break them in fits of rage.
• The lettuce leaf and grape diet will be born.

• People we don't know and whose name we can't pronounce will get pissed on champagne and fall over. London Lite and The London Paper will print this instead of news.

• People we don't know and whose name we can't pronounce will show us stupid things we can't wear because you'd get arrested walking down the street.

• People we don't know and whose name we can't pronounce will tell us that 'they're normal really' and 'they eat all the time'.

Here's some stuff that probably won't happen:

• Someone will say 'it's just a dress'.

• People we won't know and whose name we can't pronounce will wear normal clothes. Jeans, sweaters now it's a bit chilly. That kinda thing.

• There will a surge in fast food as the stick thin beautiful people get a bit peckish.

So as you can see, London Fashion Week is going to pass us by. This is likely to be the last thing you hear on the subject from us. Unless one of those unexpected things actually does happen. Then we'd be quite chuffed.

Flickr photo from Firepile's photostream.